Phone Calls from the Well-Meaning

Hi there. In case you didn’t realize it, I am QUITE the pregnant woman! By that, I mean that I had a guesstimated due date for giving birth by June 14, 2011. That was 2 days ago and here I sit, with babe safely still chillaxin’ in my womb, obviously in no big hurry. I never have been one to put too much stock in those due date numbers, as I realize that every mama, every baby, every pregnancy is completely individual, and babies ALWAYS come out when both they + mama’s body are ready~! With that said, you know as well as I do that going past your date is enough to produce even just a tiny amount of anxiety in most mothers. Everyone knows that, right? Especially women who have had babies before?

That brings me to my next topic: It’s simply not fair to the preggo mama to start calling her up on the phone, obviously stopping just short of asking that dreaded question that all pregnant moms just do NOT want to hear – EVER:

“So have you had that baby yet?”

Do not tell me that  I am the only one to have experienced this! In fact, it seems like half the women I know who have their own children have told me of their own stories of dealing with this question in various forms at the end of their pregnancies…and half of THOSE women are actually the ones doing this to me! Go ahead and tell me how messed up that is. I want to say to them, ‘How can you forget that quickly what it’s like? How can you do this to me?’ but I say nothing. Instead, I am writing this blog post! HA! So no, I know that I’m not the only mom to deal with this. Someone even went so far as to dedicate a website for preggos in my situation, a totally nifty place to send all the well-meaning friends and family while they are just dying to ask the one question that must not be asked…well…just go here to see what I mean:  HAVE YOU HAD THAT BABY YET?

Genius, right? And someone is paying a yearly fee just to keep that website alive and well for all of us. It’s that big a deal!

Since this is our 5th baby, and we are obviously not rookies in the parenting arena [at what number do you become PRO level, though?], I’ve noticed several who – when they call – they try to dodge that question, yet they are still asking it in their round-about way. They know that we are experienced parents and that we don’t want to hear that question. So they think of other ways to ask the question without having to actually ask it. Here is an example phone call I have had, which is the same type of trick that these people are cleverly pulling on me right now:

[attempting to act totally casual] – “HI AMBER! So um, YEAH! Just checking to see how everyone is doing over there! [everyone? as in - the baby!]

So yeah, are you doing well? [are you having hard contractions yet?]

Are you getting plenty of rest? [have you had that baby yet?]

How are the kids doing? How about Corey? [how about that BABY?!?]

Do you need anything? [call me as soon as you hit that first labor contraction!!]

All righty, well it was nice catching up. Talk to you soon. [tomorrow!]”

And aghast, I sit here and have to rat on my own mother, whom also contributed to the paranoia recently when she called me late on June 14 [remember? the guesstimated due date of mine?] for the sole purpose of asking:

“Is anything going on? Okay, just wanted to check before I turned in for the night!”

Mo-om! Seriously. I am totally calling you when serious labor has begun, same as I did the previous four times I’ve given birth!

In all fairness, I know that I am getting this from well-meaning friends and family only because they care about me and baby and are super excited to meet this new little person in all of our lives! I can not be too hard on them – because – I feel exactly the same! I am thankful to be surrounded by caring love~! Aaaaw, I love you all!

With that said, I am unplugging the phone.

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9 comments to Phone Calls from the Well-Meaning

  • :) Hope you don’t have to refer anyone to that website soon… Your post made me laugh–I got the most questions from people at church. I have to admit though, I hate the comments that started at seven months… “I don’t think you’re gonna make it to your due date…” (aka – YOU’RE HUGE!) :)

    Best of luck! :) Hope you have a fabulous 5th Homebirth–look forward to reading about it one day!

    • classiclyamber

      Oh my WORD, that is craziness, Meredith! I think that people can be so rude to preggo women…or just careless, which is the same thing, right?

      And thanks so much! I will surely update as soon as baby gets here! :)

  • Chrissy

    Ah, yes…I remember those phone calls quite well. I also remember I stopped answering the phone :)
    I’d get a call everyday from my mother-in-law. She even resorted to having my father-in-law (with Parkinson’s!) call and ask how I was doing. She was convinced, even after 2 kids, that I would have my baby early like she did. By the fourth kid she finally calmed down, but seriously, like we wouldn’t call them when we were having the baby or something was happening!!!
    People are funny – and totally crazy ;)

    • classiclyamber

      Gosh, every single day, huh? THAT’S not impatience~! I’m glad that she finally calmed down for you. Wish I could say the same!

  • Denise

    Gah! I know just what you mean! We had our sixth baby 2 months ago and this is the first one that my mother-in-law didn’t call to ask if the baby had been born yet! In the past, when she did ask, (and she may relapse in the future when/if the Lord blesses us with more babies), I was always tempted to give the following reply to her inquiry- “Oh, yeah! We had the baby last week! I guess we forgot to tell you!” I never did deliver that sarcasm laden gem, mostly due to Divine intervention, keeping me from saying something I shouldn’t!
    Like you, I know people are very excited to see the new little one, but it can be quite wearying when your own thoughts are constantly on the little one, wondering if each little pain or bump could be the beginnings of labor!
    Hang in there! =)
    -Also, the HAVE YOU HAD THAT BABY YET? website is awesome! Ha-ha! I’ll have to remember that one!

    • classiclyamber

      HAHA! Yeah, that is sooo what I’d love to do, too! “Um, yeah, I already had the baby but FORGOT TO LET YOU KNOW!!…”

      BTW, congrats on your new lil’ baby!! So sweet!

  • So Amber….have you had the baby yet?? ;-)

    I just had my 4th on June 9th, 2 1/2 weeks early and I was constantly getting those phone calls and emails and texts… It made me crazy!

    Here’s to hoping your little one comes soon!

    Blessings,
    Kate

  • Oh, how I hated those words when I was due. I love my mom dearly, but she called me about every 5 minutes after my water broke that morning. We had contacted the doctor, and he told me to come in by bedtime if my contractions hadn’t started yet. Everyone was calling that day. I went in that night and contractions started about an hour later. I had a miserable day with all the questions and telling me what I should do. You are right, babies will come when the time is right. So, hope the questions stop for you soon. They can sure make a happy time become a sad time.

  • [...] Remember all the well-meaning phone calls I previously told you about? You know, where everyone and their mother was calling just to “see how we were doing”? Yeah, well, they were no where to be found when I actually went into labor. Hello, Mom?? Don’t you want to know if I’m in labor yet? How about the rest of you? Curious to know if I’ve had the baby yet? Well, guess what? I’m about to and you’re about to miss it! I didn’t even think I was really in labor because I’d been having these contractions – almost nightly – for ages! But…Corey had a feeling, so that made me wonder. And I was leaving voice mails and even emails – just in case – but got no one on the phone. Finally, my friend Amy called me back. She was in church and had left her cell phone in the car. She decided to come on over, just in case. [By the way, I STILL did not think this was real labor. I was already apologizing to Amy on the phone - in advance - for driving all the way out just for nothing!] Gianna and Sarie had been coming in and out of our bathroom to check on me and see if the baby was here yet. I love my little girls, but they sure were being a huge distraction to me considering I was in potential labor…and they kept asking me all these questions that I wasn’t able to think about – at that point. So I was so relieved to know that Amy was on her way to help with our other kids so I could concentrate on getting this one here safely and peacefully. Before long, we had to abandon all attempts at calling people because it was quickly getting intense! [...]

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